Pre Wal-Mart Musing

Congratulations to Sean Penn. “Milk” is the only Oscar nominated film Juan saw this season; it was well worth the $47.50. Perhaps one day a pilgrim will present the hovel’s shrine to Eva Marie Saint with a copy of “Slumdog Millionaire”… rather than scratch-off lottery tickets. Juan must do some research before viewing “The Reader”. Depending on how much of Kate Winslet’s glorious flesh is exposed, the flick may replace “Inside Seka” as his favorite Christmas morning movie.
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Adler and I have made a very small bet. He predicts Glenn Beck will eat a live mammal on air before Memorial Day. I’m holding out for the 65th anniversary of D-Day. Mammal in this case is akin to an Econ 101 widget; there’s enormous leeway as to genus. The only condition is that the creature must be alive before the idiot takes a bite.

Should Santa Elizabeth smile upon our wager, Glenn will select a 200 pound chimpanzee as his entrée. Ideally, the chimp will be pumped full of Xanex thirty minutes before serving and properly tenderized with gun butts. After eleven minutes of babble about the evils associated with mental health, the furry primate could then be flung into Glenn’s lap: Bon appetite, Mr. Muggs.
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The only difference between AIG and a bottomless is pit is that a bottomless pit may serve some useful purpose.
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Gov. Mark Sanford (R-SC) has offered one economically distressed constituent his thoughts and prayers in lieu of “porkulous” bacon. Principled beyond the pale, Sanford’s concern is a touching reminder that Republicans are nothing if not fiscal conservatives. Juan suspects beneath unfettered free market orthodoxy lies the ghost of Mary Baker Eddy. The GOP (always handy with clever slogans) could easily substitute supply-side economics with Christian Science economics. The change is likely to cause temporary confusion among true conservatives: Global warming deniers know God is to science what Limbaugh is to black hurricane victims. But re-branding Ayn Rand’s tarnished reputation is crucial for the Ponzi scheme’s survival.

Christian Science economics could even promise to deliver nationalized health care dead on arrival. Herding the impoverished sick into reading rooms is cheaper than providing proper medical care. Senator Jim Bunning (R-KY) -- who has added seer to his short list of accomplishment -- might occasionally wander through and toe-tag patients with an imminent rendezvous with Jesus -- assuming that Jim’s extra-sensory gift enables him to spot the saved with reserved seating from the unlucky Jew on stand-by.
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AP Headlines: Burris Should Resign Says Sex-Scandal Senator; Adrianna Discusses Nipple Erections with Gordon Liddy; Michael Steele Urges GOP Lawmakers to Wear Underwear over Pants.

Juan




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