President Obama is a tough act to follow. Just ask Maverick (the old one in loafers). Had Jindal gushed forth draped in a bath towel and played “Blue Bayou” with kazoo and knee cymbals, the MSM would still have panned his performance. But delivery and style is secondary to true conservatives. They feast on substance. Ignoring comparisons to Kenneth the Page, Limbaugh hailed Mr. Bobby’s five minute SNL audition a successful swinging bunt. Brilliantly shooting down the president’s tax and spend harangue with soothing sing-song, Louisiana’s exorcist-in-chief reminded Republicans why their party enjoys soaring success with high school dropouts and populist-leaning stock brokers.

Bravo, Bobby Jindal. Let all talk of Palin-Plumber 2012 slink back to the moose blind.
Reagan’s heir has a new face, even if it makes Duke and Dixie Snopes edgy.
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Juan met Chief Running Tab, his favorite redskin, at the Fresh Scalp Casino for a long afternoon of poker losses and firewater. Curious about Michelle Malkin’s claim that the swastika is an ancient Native American symbol, I asked the Ansel Adams of cheese cake photography if he was aware of such a thing.

Sure. Haven’t you been to the tribe’s annual Schnitzel Tanz?
No.
Yeah, we goose-step around burning books, pining over how Jewish bankers stabbed us in the back, and then stole our buffalo. Mark my words, amigo, one day we’ll get the Sudetenland back.

Juan must apologize to Hot Air and Colorado’s white patriots for doubting their historical acumen. He will have to reevaluate his long held belief that Custer’s megalomania made Crazy Horse’s day.
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Local College Republicans were stunned to learn that 95% of Americans engage in pre-marital sex. Les Noodle expressed doubt that polling was conducted in areas where tongue kissing is considered sodomy.

It’s just another liberal ploy to reverse federal funding for abstinence-only sex education, said Noodle. Socialists spread the lie that teenagers have sex, and they don’t. Well, maybe some do, but their parents take drugs and believe in global warming. We’re taught that certain body parts are shameful until God blesses them through holy matrimony. Knowing untainted couples have no idea what to expect on their wedding night pleases the Lord. As part of our pledged commitment to purity, we encourage Young Republicans to shower and relieve themselves as quickly as possible. In fact, its best if they perform these chores with their eyes shut. Our chapter’s vice president, Missy Fingers, has never looked directly at her special place. She’s an inspiration.

Juan