To further drive home the point that our economy is well and truly fucked, W. is having trouble raising dough for his library. Donation checks for the proposed $500,000,000 dollar joke are in the proverbial mail. Enlisting Pere Bush to hit up his terrorist pals for petrol dollars portends that the turd has finally lost its bloom. It must be embarrassing for Decider to ask Daddy -- yet again-- for help. Educated speculation surmises that oil sheiks and war profiteers are facing financial uncertainty after padding Wall Street hedge funds with supply-side funny money. The once flush Carlisle Group has disbanded in disarray, and there’s no Savings & Loan loot for Brother Neal to steal. Had Operation Petticoat been more careful with wrapped pallets of fresh C-notes, the joke could have easily been constructed with “cost overruns” gleaned from Halliburton’s daily dry cleaning bill.
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Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) wants to be the GOP’s replacement Newt Gingrich. It takes big balls to think he could reprise Newt’s brief but puerile tenure. Not every grifter is blessed with the fat fruitcake’s loquacious bullshit; browbeating your cancer-stricken wife into signing divorce papers takes serious sand. To train for the role, Cantor should run over neighborhood dogs; maybe give children candy laced with X-Lax. Perhaps he could hitch a ride to Santo Domingo on Hophead One, lap up some salty sex tourist action, then return to champion legislation against internet porn. But Juan doesn’t think Cantor has the chops to channel Newt’s Lonesome Rhodes persona: He needs to aim his pop gun a little lower.
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George Will’s latest snark against global warming realists has unleashed broiling blowback. Caught using long debunked “evidence” to “prove” the Earth is flat, Will has yet to come clean. In fairness, Will has never mastered deductive reasoning. Like his fellow Reagan Vestals, the bow-tied devotee prefers myth over science. If Juan owned ABC, Will’s weekly Sunday screed would be performed in flowing toga. (Cokie Roberts’ contract would stipulate wearing an Easter Bunny mask).
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An enlightened state: Arkansas reaffirms the statute that bars “non-believers” from holding state office. However, believers can carry their firearms to church. I suppose there is occasional confusion at weddings where shotguns are prominently displayed.
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Media consensus is that Sen. Roland Burris’ days as a member of the world’s most dysfunctional Elks Lodge are numbered. Juan hopes that Ro hasn’t redecorated his mausoleum with signage that trumpets his latest political achievement.
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Willie Nelson recently celebrated his 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasional, Willie said: “I have outlived my pecker”.
Juan
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W.(Does that actually deserve a period?) also crapped out big-time on his final foreign tour, the one where he was trolling through the gaudiest countries in search of large, decorative loot with which to decorate the new Bush frat house at SMU.
ReplyDeleteMr. Yellowman finally got me straightened out on this Glenn Beck guy. He's a Fox newsman. A reporter, actually part of the news department.
Well, Beck's a newsman like Jane is a virgin.
What he is seems rather patent now. As Mr. Yellowman pointed out, he does sound much like a lot of my friends from the old Sunrise AAA Club 8 pm meetings- the ones who, whether chicken or egg, got religion and sobered up at the same time. It was always Acoholics and Assholes Anonymous.
Eric Cantor,a known Jewish singer, will have to fight off the weird GOP-seeking missle that Bobby Jindal has become. This stand-up Real Conservative right now is attempting to add an additional $200 million dollars of new debt to an existing $485 million road bond issue, to pay for financial swaps termination fees.
And so it goes, Big Kahuna.
Jus' chilln, penecilln.
Know what I mean, jellybean?
Jane's Charity of the Month is The International Disturbed People's Marching Drum and Bugle Corps. So please send this message to a disturbed friend somewhere...just as I have.
I don't care if you lick windows or take the special bus,
or occasionally pee on yourself.
You hang in there sunshine,
You're frigging special!